


Ashes and Wine

by inlightofvisa



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Kate is mentioned in passing, M/M, also dubcon kissing, that's about it, this is purely psychological
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-19
Updated: 2012-10-19
Packaged: 2017-11-16 14:46:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/540607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlightofvisa/pseuds/inlightofvisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because being around Stiles feels like losing his family all over again, like falling in love with Kate, like falling onto a pyre.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ashes and Wine

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by someone ranting about how most fics don't involve Derek overcoming the psychological trauma that Kate left him with. I also apologize--there is a point in this fic at which it becomes super lame, and this is because class and studying and homework interrupted this amazing roll I had going, and when I came back to this story about ten hours later the muse was dead.

It had happened once before the night at the pool. When Derek had seduced Erica into being pack, he had felt it. Flames roaring, heart racing, demonic laughter… And ashes. Bitter, bitter ashes. In his mouth, on his skin, all around, everywhere. And Derek played the game of “love” the only way he knew how—hot and lusty, hard and fast. In retrospect, it was no wonder that Erica had jumped him that night in the warehouse while training, he thinks. Not really much to expect after he had stood in between her legs and rubbed her thighs, all in an attempt to get her to become part of his pack.

But it really starts after Stiles saves him from the kanima. Every time Derek catches a whiff of Stiles, flames lick at the corner of his eyes, Kate’s voice whispers in his ear, and his spit turns to ash. Everything tastes so bitter and the world is so hot, that he can’t stand to be around Stiles. Because being around Stiles feels like losing his family all over again, like falling in love with Kate, like falling onto a pyre.

Stiles starts to notice Derek’s avoidance once the summer rolls around.

“Hey, sourwolf,” he says one day, sauntering into the old abandoned subway station. Derek hears him, grunts, and digs his fingernails into his leg.

_Nothing’s burning, everything’s still here. Everything’s still here. Isaac is still alive. Scott’s still breathing. Erica and Boyd are here. Jackson is here. Everything’s still here._

But the flames start regardless, crackling and whispering, “You gave them to me, Derek,” and Derek fights down a howl. Stiles continues to make his way down towards the train.

“Derek?” he calls out, voice piercing, bright, and warm.

“Don’t,” Derek growls out, the shift starting to elongate his teeth change his face. “Leave.”

“Derek, I just came to see how you were doing,” Stiles says.

And that’s when the flames screech, “You’re the reason why they’re dead!” and Derek’s control breaks. He howls, his vision goes red, and he shifts completely.

“Stay away!” he remembers yelling before the instincts of the wolf take over. He leaps from the train car and vaults around the depot. Stiles watches, filling the room with worry.

“Derek, are you…?” he begins to ask, but Derek’s howl cuts through the rest of his words. And then Derek lunges at him, barreling up the stairs and out into the open air. Away from the fire, away from the voices, but the ashes still linger in his mouth.

 * * * * *

Stiles tries to come over once more but Derek has the same reaction—shifting completely and fleeing. So Stiles gives up. But if there’s anything that Derek’s learned about Stiles, it’s that the kid never really gives up. So he tries not to be surprised when Stiles shows up a couple weeks later, this time with Isaac, Boyd, and Erica.

“Derek?” he calls uncertainly. Derek hears the wail of his family burning.

“No,” he calls back. “You all should go.”

“This isn’t healthy, man,” Stiles says, continuing down the stairs. Boyd walks in front of him, and Erica and Isaac bring up the rear. The ragtag group emerges into the main train depot, where Derek has already shifted.

“How do you know what’s best for me?!” he roars, rooting himself to the spot by clenching a bar in the train. “How?!”

Stiles shudders, and continues walking towards Derek.

“How?!” Derek screams again. Stiles keeps walking. Derek lets his eyes go red and he growls. Stiles flinches but keeps walking. The flames roar louder and louder, and he can hear Kate laughing, he needs to get out of here, away from the fire, away from the guilt, away from Stiles—

Derek lets the shift overtake him completely and he lunges forwards. But this time, Stiles doesn’t duck and Derek collides into him. His claws dig in to Stiles’ gangly arms, and he hears the kid cry out but Stiles doesn’t jerk away—he wraps his arms around Derek. The flames burn higher, brighter, and hotter and Derek howls.

“Get away!”

And right when Derek feels like his skin is about to be burned right off of him, he feels a different something wet. Small, but wet. The wolf pulls back, uncertain, and lets his human eyes see what’s happening. Stiles is attempting to hold back tears, all while holding onto Derek as tightly as he can. Derek’s claws have raked their way from Stiles’ forearms to his shoulders.

“I’m not letting you be alone,” Stiles says, voice breaking. “I’m not. You can’t be.”

“I’m not alone,” Derek says quietly. “I’ve got my pack.”

“What pack?” Stiles asks. “You don’t have anyone.”

“I took them all!” Kate’s voice screeches, and the flames are back. But somehow, in Stiles’ arms, the flames are a little cooler. The heat is more bearable, and it feels even slightly cozy. Snug. Like they fit.

“Your pack all left because you didn’t love them,” Stiles whispers against Derek’s hair. Derek shivers.

“Because love gets your family burnt to death,” he answers, fingers still gripping Stiles’ shoulders. Stiles twitches.

“You’re not going to burn anyone,” Stiles says carefully, leaning back to look Derek square in the eye. The sunlight that streams in through the stairwell glint off Stiles’ eyes, and they glow a brilliant amber. “That’s not who you are.”

Kate’s voice dies with a scream, as the flames flicker around the two of them and then go out. Derek surges forward to kiss Stiles, anxious to rid his mouth of the taste of ashes. Stiles reaches to cup Derek’s face in his hands, soft palms running over Derek’s rough stubble and long spindly fingers rubbing his face.

“You aren’t Kate,” Stiles whispers. “And Kate isn’t the last say on love.”

Derek shudders.

“Go,” he mumbles under his breath. Boyd, Isaac, and Erica take their leave.

“What?” Stiles asks. And Derek breaks apart, gasping for air and doing everything in his power not to cry, not to have to cling to this fragile human boy, to not have to depend, to not have to trust.

“I need you,” he says, voice shattering. “I need you, Stiles.”

Derek moves his now-human hands to bring Stiles closer to him. Stiles attempts to resist.

“Derek, Derek, slow down, slow it down,” he stutters. Derek falters.

“Do you not like this?” he asks, confused, eyes shining. Stiles shakes his head.

“No, don’t get me wrong, this is _amazing_ , but this isn’t the only way love works. Love doesn’t always take.”

“Then I don’t know how to do this,” Derek says, helplessly. Stiles smiles at him, small and warm before pulling Derek into a tight hug.

“Well, that makes two of us,” Stiles says. “But love always pulls through. That’s how the saying goes, right? Something like that.”

And Derek breaks, his voice cracks and the tears fall freely. He’s scrabbling for purchase on this fragile, broken, breakable human boy and he’s doing all he can to stay afloat. And Stiles holds him tightly, rubbing his back. Stiles feels like the warmth of sunlight brushing through the trees, like the worn rug in front of a fireplace, like the curve of a mug of hot chocolate. Like home.

“I’ve got you,” Stiles says, leaning his head against Derek’s as the last sobs wrack his body. “I’ve got you, you’ve got me, and we’re going to be amazing.”

 


End file.
